I'm going to hopefully post as God moves in my life so I don't forget details. In church on Sunday, Pastor Chris had Aaron Peterson share his personal testimony and after he had me share about Friday night. Well that evening, after my baby girl went to bed, God started breaking my heart over the way I have been treating her. I know that I haven't been the best mom ever and I also know I tend to be really hard on myself, but this time when God was showing me stuff, it was different then when I beat myself up because it was gentle and He showed me the pain and potential scarring, if I don't repent, it could have.
I think the reason I could hear God's voice in this area was because He freed me from the Rage I had been operating under. So He showed me how that day I was mean to her, not necessarily outright, but definitely in my head and heart. I was just feeling annoyed that she was there and frustrated that she wasn't acting like a 12 year old, like I was expecting her to. After God started to break my heart over this I tried to get in her bed and cuddle with her and wake her up so I could ask for forgiveness, but she wouldn't wake up.
The next morning after she woke up and woke up, she's not quite a morning person, I told her, Evelyn, mommy's sorry she's been mean to you. And do you know what she said? Now this instance was from a couple weeks ago, NOT the day before, she said mommy you said shut up and you yelled at me. I didn't know her little heart had been carrying that around and I was even more broken. I started crying and I told her I was so sorry and asked her to forgive me and she giggled and said she forgave me. I love her!